Nobody knows it

but you've got a secret smile

and you use it

only for me.

<3

1. New computer; it's like having a piece of the future trapped and caged in an elegant silver prison

2. Archives are back, don't know how, now too scared to change any settings to find out

3. Newly discovered affinity for clutchbags means I will one day have to own this bag:

4. Eyes are bleeding from the brightness speed and beauty of new laptop; the prospect of being able to download music (hasn't happened for six months); watch movies (hasn't happened for eighteen months); leave the computer on, go away and come back to find it's still on (hasn't happened for nine months); and ability to log onto MSN Messenger for the first time in two years (even though none of my old friends use it anymore, apparently) makes it all worthwhile.

a kiss with a fist is better than none

Victoria S/P... theres reports of a blackhole opening up over Iran.........
Lucy B/Peo... yeah, yeah
Victoria S/P... really, have you not been on bbc news in the past half hour?
Lucy B/Peo... blackholes don't 'open up' slowly
Victoria S/P... its opened up, but is now slowly growing, they don't understand why.
Lucy B/Peo... really
Lucy B/Peo... can you send me the link?
Victoria S/P... no
Lucy B/Peo... how strange
Victoria S/P... indeed.
Lucy B/Peo... are you suggesting this is linked to the Large Hadron Collider
Victoria S/P... yes.
Lucy B/Peo... which hasn't actually collided any particles yet and won't for several months?
Victoria S/P... what else?
Lucy B/Peo... and by 'blackhole above iran' do you mean 'earthquake under iran'?
Victoria S/P... Man, I was so proud of myself merging two breaking news stories into one highly believable pile of rubbish! I should write for The News of the World!
Lucy B/Peo... yeeeees
Lucy B/Peo... i'm not convinced your grip of the science involved is quite good enough to fool anyone except a toddler...
Victoria S/P... people who read that paper only have the brain capacity of a toddler. I am sorted!
Lucy B/Peo... done! quit your job right now and go! go find your calling!
Victoria S/P... i'm on the edge of my seat about to quit!
Lucy B/Peo... i am quitting right now
Victoria S/P... to do what? You can't steal my job !
Lucy B/Peo... or at least going home

i can see your face on the telephone

I BOUGHT A NEW COMPUTER

but don't tell my current one because he might get jealous and also scared about his impending demise.

Realistically I should have bought a new computer thirteen months ago when it stopped playing DVDs and then started a long, slow shutdown of everything else. I can't watch anything that moves at more than 3 frames per minute, and I would have to wait for ninety minutes for even that to load. Except this machine gets so hot after the very briefest use that it doesn't even do me the courtesy of closing down my programs or giving me an error message, it just shuts down, laughing, so it would never load.

My new computer will have a DVD thing and a big screen and a colourful shiny case and a harddrive bigger than the moon and will, basically, be a rocketship in comparison to my current laptop.

Whoop de whoop!

loaded god complex

Tonight on my way home I only wanted to listen to 'Sugar We're Going Down Swinging' so that's exactly what I did for thirty seven minutes. I sang along to every single word, too!

Usually when I drive home I spend 90% of my time fishtailing erratically across lanes while I skip track after track of music I hate but think I should like (Sigur Ros, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Of Montreal) and looking one of three Ting Tings songs, or Sleater Kinney.

Last night I went to the pub quiz and stayed out far too late for a schoolnight, so this morning I got dressed in a fog of headache and blurred vision. Imagine my surprise when I got into my meeting with my pharmaceutical supplier and realised that what I'd thought was a demure 40s-style dress of refinement was, in fact, more 50s Pinup than 40s Landgirl. I got what I wanted out of the meeting, needless to say.

I used to wear jeans to work quite a lot, because I was too tired in the morning to plan 'smart'. But now I like to look like I've made an effort (because one day Baldymort will realise what he's missing) so I almost always wear skirts, and usually heels too! I don't think I owned a pair of high heels until about four months ago, but now I understand that genetic midgets such as myself have to wear them by law, so that we don't make other people nervous. Also it freaks out the two incredibly scruffy (seriously; ratty, faded black t-shirts and baby blue sports jackets) new girls.

Also someone told me today that Stephen Fry is in panto in the South this year, but on investigation it's just his recorded voice pretending to be a mirror. I'd packed my bags ready to move down and woo him outside the stage door, but clearly the time isn't ready for us yet. Maybe it never will be.

Costa Del Rah

Today, I couldn't find any tights, so I wore a pair of sticky-top holdups, the kind I usually only wear when I'm trying to make an impression.

By the time I'd walked to the other end of the office, had a meeting, and walked halfway back, I was mentally calculating the distance between myself and the bathroom, as one sticky holdup was incrementally losing stick with each step. Desperation! Panic! I had to desperately apply basic trigonometry to work out if I was going to make it to Adjustment City before the Embarrassment Train ran me down, or whether I was going to be stranded in Exec Valley with one alluringly fake-tanned leg exposed to the elements.

Naturally I made it (just). Seems that my luck is on the turn!

About time too, as my emotional control has disappeared once again and I am literally FURIOUS with the rain for being so fucking noisy and unpredictable, and with my computer for being so slow, and with my keyboard for being temperamental, and with myself for my stupid lame-ass fake nails which make typing and texting almost completely unbearable.

This is nothing, mind you - NOTHING - to my sheer rage and incandescent hatred for the absolute mindless, brainless, illiterate moron who changed the password to the Boots Jobs site on the same night I finally have my application written and ready to send. I hope they get severe cystitis and also scabies of the face so everyone knows what a pointless and air-wasting jobsworth they really are.

Good news: think I have found a holiday destination which ticks all the boxes (price, sun, nightlife). Whoop whoop!