Names have been changed to protect the work-shy

Vikram... swamp donkey..
Lucy... monster features
Vikram... you are man's most unpleasant person.
Lucy... you are the scourge of the earth
Vikram... you are the shit on the shoe of a tramp.
Lucy... you are a feral kitten with a missing ear
Vikram... you are a rabid dog with snot hanging out your nose.
Lucy... you are a fetid and overgrown urban swamp
Vikram... you are a rank and misused public toilet.
Lucy... your hair looks like rotting curtains
Vikram... your skin is like an overused scoring pad, with remnants of 3 week old food dripping from it.
Lucy... your breath smells like the rotting corpses of a thousand sweaty zombies