Bulldoze all memories and sanctuaries; our birthright deserves a new city

Christmas is the reason why it is imperative that we sort out global warming. If you're not helplessly snowed into your enormous Edwardian mansion by Christmas Eve and forced to play Exploding Charades with your uncle's in-laws, it's almost not worth doing.

For the times when it is worth doing, however, Christmas is a fine time for opening presents, eating brussel sprouts with people you love dearly, and having a competition with your brother to see who can drink the most without being caught out for being wasted at 10am.

New Year's Eve, on the other hand, is a time for opening doors, eating the mint in the mojitos of people you love dearly and having a competition with your friends to see who can drink the most without being caught out for being wasted by 10pm. It always seems a bit ropy to me to welcome in a brand new year of promise, plenty and fresh resolve by being so criminally drunk and excitable that you kiss perfect strangers, fling champagne twenty feet into the air and end up wearing the new year but it seems churlish to raise the issue when everything is going according to plan.

Anyway, last year I demanded a 1920s party with all the trimmings. Despite some prompting and a couple of good excuses, I never did get around to doing it. Also I did a sort of retrospective of things I liked about the year which I'm not going to do this year, because I didn't go to Denmark and I've forgotten 90% of everything else.

This year, my New Year's resolution is to wake up seven years ago and just start again. I swear this time I'll get it right.

Returned mail: Out of Office

Lucy is out of the office from: Friday 22nd December until: such time as she has consumed sufficient mince pies and festive spirits.

If you have any urgent queries in the meantime, please: chill out and remember that it is Christmas!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you short-delivering drug-merchants,

Kind regards,

Lucy B.
ASM OTC Meds.

Want Want Seaweed Rice Crackers

Japanese treats! In my in-tray! From actual Japan!

I'm still not over how goddamn cool my job is. Stuff like this happens nearly every day. Is it like this in all offices? I have no way of knowing.

Tomorrow the parties, meals and cocktails start. Then it will be Christmas, everyone! It is too late to start behaving yourselves now. Santa has already made his lists.

It is a funny feeling,

falling in love.

The strangest things trigger such bittersweet memories, and it's really all you can do not to lose yourself completely. It is a constant struggle to retain your own identity when you are so desperate to belong. The balance is so fine.

Everything drags you back. You'll never be free of it.

Who'd ever want to be.