world enough and time

This isn't funny.

All you goddamn hayfever minions, lay off the sales.

Sales go up out of season means my world ends and I get RSI from placing manual store orders, and blind from staring at my screen for six hours solid. I waste away because the thought of being able to leave my desk for the ten minutes it takes to buy and eat a sandwich is ten minutes I could spend amending store forecasts or running any one of fifteen levels of reports to try and work out what the fuck is going on in stores.

I get to work at 7.30am and my boss has already put three reports and a post-it on my desk with things that need looking at URGENTLY. Five minutes after I switch my monitor on she's already over to ask 'how's it looking?' when there's no possible way I could know because I've only just sat down. During the day she comes over periodically to ask leading questions which she already knows the answer to and which waste everyone's time. I open my spreadsheets to find she's already in them; I check store orders to see she's already placed some. Who's in charge here?

I leave work at 6.30pm not having seen a scrap of the sunshine which causes all this misery, knowing that this weekend is forecast to be a bit overcast and that I will probably be the only bastard who comes out of this glorious summer just as pale as I went into it and also batshit crazy to boot.

And they haven't even announced our motherhumping bonus yet, those tight private-ownership mongrels. I'm going to spend all mine on illegal drugs and as much boxed wine as I can fit in my Fiat, you just see if I don't.