really really nice to meetcha

So my new 'boyfriend' has bought Guitar Hero, whatever that may be. This means that while he is willing and able to make all sorts of plans for us in a morning (regardless of whether or not I want or agree to see him) he will actually be incommunicado by 3.30pm because his indie-than-thou friend Ross has suggested a marathon two-player session while they both wear amusing hats.

If I actually liked him I would be in serious trouble and would probably be unable to leave my bed due to a severe personality crisis. As it is I am mildly inconvenienced because I don't have any plans for Saturday night and I don't want to go and sit his sweaty, untidy pit while he plays computer games in the dark.

I just don't understand boys, or maybe girls too for that matter. When I see a fat indie boy with glasses on the Link at work, my legs go to jelly and I start flicking my hair uncontrollably while talking absolute shit to Vik as I walk past his table. The thought of maybe going up to him and saying, "I fancy you, would you like to go for a drink?" is just unthinkable. Likewise when Horrible Boy comes to talk to Vik, I have to staple my lips shut and avert my eyes and think about Jesus and Mary and all the tiny angels just so I don't blurt out my undying love and desire to do rude things to him. It is getting so bad that I might have to start supergluing my fingers to the desk so I don't try to gesticulate or write huge flashcards in stolen highlighter.

But god forbid that blond guy should try and talk to me in Dogma! It took him twenty minutes to convince my suspicious alcholic brain that he hadn't been sent over as a dare and did, indeed, find my hair-flicking alluring. Once he did have me convinced I was immediately wary about what was wrong with him, as obviously only someone incredibly damaged would show any interest in me, and concluded that he was probably a very polite but sinister rapist.

Then Zoe and I spent forty minutes wondering why we didn't have boyfriends. I helpfully ignored her assertations that my 'boyfriend' was more than happy to let the world know that I do, in fact, have a boyfriend, but that I go red and protest strongly whenever he suggests it, and that I have said on more than one occasion that I like being independant too much to agree to being in a 'couple' with anyone, except maybe Stephen Fry. Plus all that 'couple' stuff makes me psychosomatically have the flu, and also leprosy.

Boys; girls like a chase. I didn't get a chase, so I am humouring him until I do. But we also like to chase someone we already know likes us. So basically, make the first move and smooth the path, but don't fill out all the blanks straight away.

And for fuck's sake don't talk about your fucking exes. We don't care.