Housewife Corner!
In a return to our (sort of) regular feature, I would like to present: Cake Porn Attempt 2005, or, How to Suck at Baking.
One will require:
- 12oz plain flour
- 2 tsp bicard of soda
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 12oz granuated sugar, sugar
- 4 eggsies
- 2 egg yolks
-4 tsps vanilla extract/flavouring
- 125ml milk
- 8oz butter
Optional:
- Fantastic friend to make cocktails and feed you Cadbury's Ripples and prawn crackers.
- Extra butter, icing sugar and food colouring, to make icing.
1) Make (and consume) first cocktail. This is essential, as otherwise you might produce something edible at the end of the recipe.
2) In a bowl, whisk (or, you know, just stir) the flour, bicarb of soda and salt together. Maybe sieve them, but it doesn't make a lot of difference as far as I can tell.
3) In a saucepan (you have already used the only bowl you own) beat the butter until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in the sugar until very light and fluffy. Make sure basically everything is light and fluffy.
4) Have an argument with your housemate about whether the recipe actually means 'beat' or 'whisk'.
5) Whisk in the eggs one at a time, then the vanilla and egg yolks.
6) Realise that, when you separated the eggs, you have thrown away the yolks and kept the whites by mistake.
7) Spoon the cake mixture into cake cases. See that the recipe recommends a muffin tin, but choose to ignore it and place the cake cases straight onto a baking tray.
8) Bake the cakes at about 180*C for about 20 mins.
9) Make another cocktail.
10) Start to construct icing.
11) Start to act like fools.
12) PANIC! Realise at this late stage that you have done it wrong. Cake trays were invented for a very good reason. Decide to leave the cakes to their own devices anyway.
13) See right.
14) Let Frankenstein's Monster cool before icing. Go into the living room, try and order Chinese, realise the takeaway is shut. Cook frozen spring rolls instead. Hang out with cool people!
15) Try and salvage something vaguely artistic from the delicious but unpresentable mess.
Voila! Beautiful. You successfully graduate School of Inept Baking (Class of 2005).
One will require:
- 12oz plain flour
- 2 tsp bicard of soda
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 12oz granuated sugar, sugar
- 4 eggsies
- 2 egg yolks
-4 tsps vanilla extract/flavouring
- 125ml milk
- 8oz butter
Optional:- Fantastic friend to make cocktails and feed you Cadbury's Ripples and prawn crackers.
- Extra butter, icing sugar and food colouring, to make icing.
1) Make (and consume) first cocktail. This is essential, as otherwise you might produce something edible at the end of the recipe.
2) In a bowl, whisk (or, you know, just stir) the flour, bicarb of soda and salt together. Maybe sieve them, but it doesn't make a lot of difference as far as I can tell.
3) In a saucepan (you have already used the only bowl you own) beat the butter until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in the sugar until very light and fluffy. Make sure basically everything is light and fluffy.
4) Have an argument with your housemate about whether the recipe actually means 'beat' or 'whisk'.
5) Whisk in the eggs one at a time, then the vanilla and egg yolks.
6) Realise that, when you separated the eggs, you have thrown away the yolks and kept the whites by mistake.
7) Spoon the cake mixture into cake cases. See that the recipe recommends a muffin tin, but choose to ignore it and place the cake cases straight onto a baking tray.
8) Bake the cakes at about 180*C for about 20 mins.
9) Make another cocktail.
10) Start to construct icing.
11) Start to act like fools.
12) PANIC! Realise at this late stage that you have done it wrong. Cake trays were invented for a very good reason. Decide to leave the cakes to their own devices anyway.
13) See right.
14) Let Frankenstein's Monster cool before icing. Go into the living room, try and order Chinese, realise the takeaway is shut. Cook frozen spring rolls instead. Hang out with cool people!
15) Try and salvage something vaguely artistic from the delicious but unpresentable mess.
Voila! Beautiful. You successfully graduate School of Inept Baking (Class of 2005).
posted by Lucy at 1:21 am
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